its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
