I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
