Whod you bang
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
