I wish life had little blips of pornography
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
