FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
