please come you make the beer taste better
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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