I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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