I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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