ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
