i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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