he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
