Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
