dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
