i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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