I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
