I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
