fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
