remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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