Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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