Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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