Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
