So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
