I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
