I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
