so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
