I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
