she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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