I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
