You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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