We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
