I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
