nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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