You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
