dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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