If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
