Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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