you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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