sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
