well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
