Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
