Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
