Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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