This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
