ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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