guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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