She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
