i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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