if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
