I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
