well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
