One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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