One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
