I accidentally burped into my bong.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
