They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
