I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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