Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
