I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
