I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
