it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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