K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
