Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
