So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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