things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
COCAINE IS GR8
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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