So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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