Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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