seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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