If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
