the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
