There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
