i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize